The network newscast ratings for last week are in and “CBS Evening News with Katie Couric” tied its all-time low in total viewers with an average of 4.89 million tuning in during the five days.  The low was set last June, when ABC also hit its own low. (Ratings records date back to the 1991-’92 season.) Last week, NBC averaged 7.42 million total viewers and ABC averaged 6.51 million.  Erica Hill filled in on Tuesday and Harry Smith was in Wednesday. Couric anchored from New York Monday and from Afghanistan on Thursday and Friday.  http://www.mediabistro.com/tvnewser/evening_news_ratings/cbs_evening_news_ties_alltime_low_171613.asp.

From a CBS News insider:

The problem isn’t Katie, nor is it a general decline in news viewership.

CBS News is an organization that’s dysfunctional from the top down.

You’ve got a news division run buy a sports guy with NO news background, backed up by a couple of vice presidents sharing an office suite who’ve been getting raises and promotions apparently for successfully driving this once-venerated institution into the ground.  (One of those VPs even hired his own son to run The Early Show further into the ground — they’re halfway to China at this point.)

Then you’ve got an executive producer who’s created a culture of fear and intimidation among the Evening News staffers (Do not speak unless you are spoken to, do not speak directly to the senior producers, and if I want your opinion I’ll ask for it, otherwise do not even think of making eye contact with me, let alone sharing your ill-informed and worthless ideas or opinions.).

And then of course HE’S backed by a staff of obscenely overpaid senior producers who largely got their jobs not through merit and experience but politics and ass-kissing, whose chief skills are not writing, producing, or even journalism but rather fear-mongering, backstabbing, and bullshitting, led by a senior broadcast producer who makes it quite clear that just wandering out the 40 feet from his insular little cocoon in the “fishbowl” to the daily graphics meeting is SUCH an imposition, and he has much more important things to do (like watch videos on YouTube), sighing deeply, rolling his eyes, and otherwise ignoring the meeting going on around him while buried in his Blackberry.

The entire show is written by committee — that’s why the anchor copy reads more like  a corporate press release that’s gone through several layers of management and legal, rather than good solid journalism.  That’s because generally is HAS gone through the Evening News bureaucratic wringer, having been edited and tweaked by senior producers who mistakenly see themselves as writers, having drained the copy of any spark and personality it once may have had (HINT:  Typing is not necessarily “writing”, and having script editing privileges in the rundown doesn’t by default make you either a writer or a copyeditor).

An absence of effective leadership.  Poor story selection.  Arbitrary rundown stacking.  Lazy producing.  Writers who aren’t allowed to write.  A culture of fear and intimidation and the constant worry among staffers that they’re one mistake away from losing their jobs.

So of course it’s Katie’s fault!

http://preview.bloomberg.com/news/2010-05-06/cbs-overpaid-leslie-moonves-28-million-in-study-of-executive-compensation.html

Barely a week into negotiations however, things turned ugly the moment the company presented its “proposals” at the bargaining table for the three-year 2010 Agreement.  But first, let me frame for you the background of this contract negotiation.  This is a company whose CEO, Les Moonves, was just re-upped for another five-year contract with a base pay of $32 million per year.  Katie Couric — the face of the network’s flagship evening news broadcast — still languishing in third place with its lowest ratings in the history of the broadcast — is not only paid more money than any anchor in the broadcast’s history, but more money than any news anchor in the history of television.  As for the network news division’s management team, its seven-figure president — Sean McManus — had no prior news experience whatsoever before being named as president of CBS News.  Rounding out the management team are a group of vice presidents who are each generously paid at least half a million dollars per year, despite the news division’s dismal performance.

So it’s clear that CBS News is not hurting for cash.  In fact, it’s apparently downright generous to its executives, regardless of their performance.  Where else but in network television can you get fired as the executive producer of The Early Show, and get re-hired just a few years later by the same network as a vice president overseeing the same broadcast?  (Yes,it really happened.)

But back to the writers.  It’s important to note that these people are the engine of CBS’ news programming.  THEIR base pay is just over $80,000/year — and these days, most of them are making only minimum scale.  The average CBS News writer has 15 years of experience (many have 20, 25, even more than 30 years of experience and company tenure).  As anyone who lives in New York City, D.C., or L.A. can attest, $80,000 per year for such a specialized job in a high-pressure environment like a newsroom, working insane shifts, is hardly generous.  And over the years, this multi-talented group of professionals has rolled with the punches amidst massive restructuring of its newsrooms, as technology and cost-cutting took their toll.  News writers at the radio network gladly agreed to take over the tape editing responsibilities after the company phased out IBEW (International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers) technicians.  News writers in television newsrooms also stepped up to the plate as the company cut back on non-union producers, with many shops now employing writer-producer hyphenates.  In eliminating positions, it was easier for the company to get rid of the non-union producing positions, and it made sense to just have writers produce, since generally speaking the writers tended to be more experienced than the cheaper producers.

Now, however, CBS wants desperately to pull writer-producers out of the protective WGA bargaining unit — for obvious reasons.  Once removed from the WGA, these writer-producers become at-will employees, subject to any capricious management decision dealing with pay, hours, workdays, and even the existence of their very jobs.

With this framework in mind, here are the WGA “demands” for the 2010 Agreement:

• Increase compensation across the board.

• Bring Graphic Artists and Chicago Associate Producers/Production Assistants compensation up to industry standard.

• Provide retiree medical coverage to certain WGA-CBS Employees affected by changes in benefits negotiated in 1999.

• Increase severance for Staff Employees and eliminate the cap.

• Increase the notice period for the removal of Temporary Employees from the schedule.

• Reduce the requirements for Temporary Employees to be classified as “continuously employed.”

• Include Web Producers in Los Angeles as members of the bargaining unit under the WGA-CBS National Staff Agreement.

• Include Staff Employees as participants in the Writers Guild-Industry Pension Fund.

Here is a summary of some of the CBS company “proposals”:

Separate seniority lists for producers and news writers; less protection from layoffs.  The Company would put Newswriters and Producers on separate seniority lists and could layoff from EACH. The proposal also eliminates security for Producers – layoffs for that group would not need to go in seniority order.

Reduction in severance pay.  If you were laid off, you would receive no severance at all unless you sign a release. The Company wouldn’t have to alert the Guild in advance of any layoffs or terminations.

Temporary employees.  Eliminates restrictions on use of Temps, so the Company doesn’t have to replace Staff jobs and can use Temps even after laying off Staff employees.

No more exclusive jurisdiction. All Guild-covered functions could be performed by other employees of CBS. Any CBS employee could do your job.

In other words, completely “bust” the union.

No more protection against subcontracting.  All work covered by the Agreements and Supplements may be subcontracted. Anyone, anywhere could do your job.

Furloughs. The Company would be able to force Staff employees to take up to ten unpaid days off each year.

No more paid lunch breaks for TV news writers and all local radio news writers.  Paid lunch would be eliminated.  Would require an 8-hour work day and eliminate the missed  meal penalty. In Los Angeles, it would also allow the Company to schedule your meal at whatever time they want as long as they comply with state law.

For people working in a 24/7 workplace, there aren’t a whole lot of options to “do lunch” on your “lunch hour” at 3:00 a.m.

Less overnight differential pay. The Company would reduce the night differential rate from 15% to 10% and cut the penalty hours to midnight to 5am (instead of midnight to 7am).

In real dollars, this 15% overnight differential today amounts to a whopping extra $5.62 an hour for the difficulty, inconvenience, and not to mention adverse health effects of working overnight hours.  For a company whose CEO is paid $15,384.62 per hour — working during the DAY, of course — this is hardly breaking the bank.

Docked pay if you’re late or leave early.  The Company would dock pay if you leave early, arrive late or go home sick.  The proposal could force you to use your sick or vacationdays.

Gone, apparently, are the days of professional courtesy — the company apparently wants to treat its writers like factory line workers.

Less holiday pay.  The Company would reduce holiday pay to time and a half plus a comp day instead of your current holiday compensation.  For some, this could be a reduction in money, time off or both.

How important IS Christmas, anyway?  I mean really?

No more minimum call for overtime hours. If you’re called in for a sixth or seventh day the Company would only have to pay you for time actually worked (if less than eight hours).  This could have further implications with regard to converting your overtime pay down to regular straight time pay.

Never mind that being called in at the last minute to commute into work for just a couple hours screws up your day off just as much as a full shift would have.

4-hour minimum call and pay in 15-minute increments after that.  Right now if staffers have to work on a regular day off, they get paid for a full day’s rate no matter how many or few hours you work.  The Company’s proposal would reduce this from an eight-hour minimum to a four-hour minimum. Also, after the four-hour minimum the Company would only have to pay you for work in 15 minute increments.

Seriously?  15-minute increments?  What’s next for these professionals — punching a time clock??

No more golden time.  The Company would get rid of Golden Time (doubletime for working more than 10 consecutive days).

Never mind that not having a day off for nearly two weeks can be brutal, and the golden time provision was designed mostly as an economic DISincentive for the company to work writers like slaves.

No more opting out of the overnight shift.  The Company would eliminate the ability for you to opt off of overnights.

Overnights causing you health problems?  Tough shit!  Find a new job!

No more penalty pay for late-notice schedule changes.  The Company would be able to change the start time of your next shift for a special assignment or a major news story without having to pay a penalty.

Again, used mostly as an economic DISincentive for the comapny to jerk writers lives around by changing schedules at the last minute.  And we all know by now that ANYTHING can be construed by a manager as a “special assignment”or “major news story”.

Oh, but it gets better!

Here are some memorable quotes from the bargaining table so far:

“Don’t take this the wrong way: I’m a guy who’s gonna stab you in the stomach, not in the back.” – CBS Bargaining Representative

The Guild asked for specific examples of how the company would intend to implement its sweeping rollback proposals, including non-exclusive jurisdiction, sub-contracting and slashing night differential.:

WGA: “What you’re proposing is that people who are completely non-union be able to do all this work?”

CBS: “Yes.”

And the latest from the bargaining table:

“On day four of negotiations, we met with the Company to discuss their proposals to eliminate these provisions of our contract:  all golden time fees regardless of how many consecutive days you work;  6^th day overtime pay when the scheduled overtime is canceled at the last minute; the $11 fee for extremely short notice of schedule changes; the “opt out” provision for working overnight shifts.  We argued if the first three proposals were implemented, there would be no financial disincentive to prevent abusive scheduling practices.  In regard to the fourth proposal, we insisted that overnight shifts take a physical toll; we reminded the Company that we are not just numbers, that we are human beings.”

CBS: “It’s not the post office. If you want regular hours, 5 days a week, you go to the post office.”

Or, of course, you become a CBS executive.

More from the Guild:  ”We discussed Company proposals to cut overnight differential and their contention that “5 a.m. is no longer the middle of the night.”  We noted that overnight work is more than just a personal hardship and physically demanding.  Multiple studies have cited it as dangerous to one’s health.  We pointed out that night differential is a small incentive.”

CBS: “The incentive is the job.”

Unfortunately, things aren’t looking much better for the writers over at ABC News.

Stay tuned.

The Guild says it’s moving to SoHo, just above TriBeCa, a neighborhood that largely thanks to Robert DeNiro’s annual TriBeCa Film Festival, has become Hollywood East.  Their reason is sound:  to be closer to where film is being produced, as well as the new emerging digital media, a key ground for organization that I agree the Guild needs to ensure its survival in our ever-changing media landscape.

But I can’t help but think with this step away from Midtown, where NEWS is produced, to Downtown, where ENTERTAINMENT is produced, the Guild isn’t broadening the already growing chasm between its news writers and entertainment writers.

Here is their letter to the membership:

Dear Writers Guild of America, East Member:

You may recall that in our New Year’s letter we mentioned that we would soon have news to share about an exciting new move for the Guild.

So here it is: the Guild really is moving. Downtown, at the end of June, construction gods willing. Our new address will be 250 Hudson Street, just above Tribeca, between Broome and Dominick.

Why? Several reasons. First, our lease at 555 West 57th was up for renewal, and with the real estate market being what it is, this seemed the perfect time for a change. Commercial rents have dropped and incentives are being offered to new tenants. We decided to take advantage of the opportunity, securing a fifteen-year lease for better space at a cost far below what it would have been just a few years ago. And we have a new landlord eager to work with us.

Also, 250 Hudson is in one of the most dynamic neighborhoods in the city, especially for people in our business. Many of our new neighbors are media and entertainment companies and the area has become fertile ground for digital media and a variety of other start-ups that are so essential to our continued growth. What’s more, our new address is close to mass transit, making access to the office easier than ever.

But perhaps most important, the new office will be designed for your needs as well as those of our hard-working staff. There have been a lot of changes in the union and the business since we first moved into West 57th, and the new space will reflect that. As just one example, our organizing staff is now six strong and they will be able to work for you more collegially and effectively at 250 Hudson than in the old space.

We think you’ll find the offices more open and inviting. We’ll be able to host more events than we have been able to in the past – there’s even a rooftop deck with views of the city that we’ll be able to use for certain special occasions. And there will be a writers’ room – if you’re in the neighborhood, it will be a place where from time to time you can come to work, discuss projects with your colleagues or just take a quick break.

Work already is underway, and once it has been determined, we’ll let you know the official move date. When we’ve settled in, we hope you’ll stop by, have a quick tour, take advantage of what we have to offer and become involved in what we do.

This is your union, and this move is designed to make you more an integral part of it than ever. We look forward to seeing you downtown.

In solidarity,

Michael Winship                                        Lowell Peterson

2-Second Video Causes Headache for ABC News

By David Bauder

NEW YORK (AP) – For the want of a better two-second picture of a tachometer, ABC News has called into question its reporting on acceleration problems with Toyota vehicles.

The network’s handling of a Feb. 22 “World News” story about potential problems with computer systems in Toyotas has created ethical questions and intensified bitter feelings the besieged automaker already had toward ABC.

ABC has admitted to a misjudgment and swapped out the brief dashboard video in its report, which continues to be available online. Its story illustrated a report by David Gilbert, a Southern Illinois University professor who suggested that a design flaw in Toyotas might leave a short-circuit that could cause sudden acceleration undetected by the car’s computer system.

Correspondent Brian Ross’”World News” report showed him driving a Toyota with Gilbert that was rigged to quickly accelerate. Even though he knew it was coming, Ross said the incident left him shaken, and he had a hard time getting the car to come to a stop.

Briefly during the drive, ABC cut to a picture of a tachometer with the needle zooming forward. The impression was that the tachometer was documenting the ride Ross was taking. Instead, that picture was taken from a separate instance where a short-circuit was induced in a parked car.

ABC said that editing was done because it was impossible to get a good picture of the tachometer while the car was moving because the camera was shaking. The camera shot was steady when it was taken in a parked car.

“The tachometer showed the same thing every time,” said ABC News spokeswoman Emily Lenzner.

Toyota spokesman John Hanson disputes that, saying tachometers react much more dramatically when short-circuits happen in a parked car than a car that is moving. Tachometers measure engine speed.

It all points to problems that are created when visual journalists try to alter reality in order to get a better picture.

“Anytime you give the audience any reason to doubt the honesty of the piece, that’s a serious problem,” said Charlotte Grimes, a Syracuse University journalism professor who specializes in ethical issues.

“Do they honestly think that a company like Toyota, with all the resources that it has, would not be looking at these things?” Grimes asked.

Toyota recognized the differences right away: the shot showed the car’s speedometer was at zero, the parking brake was on and no one was using the seat belts – while Ross wore one on the test drive, Hanson said. Online discussion of the differences began almost immediately, and the Web site Gawker.com wrote about it last week.

ABC edited the online version of its story shortly after that story appeared and wrote a note on its Web site explaining why.

“This was a misjudgment made in the editing room,” Lenzner said. “They should have left the shaky shot in. But I want to make clear that the two-second shot that was used did not change the outcome of the report in any way.”

The inserted tachometer shot still didn’t specifically illustrate Ross’ ride. It was from another ride made in order to create different camera angles. A camera person could not have captured the tachometer shot with Ross and Gilbert both in the car, Lenzner said.

Toyota’s Hanson said it was next to impossible for the short circuit detailed by Gilbert to happen in real life. The automaker, which had to recall many of its cars because of problems associated with a depressed gas pedal, held a news conference on Monday to try and refute Gilbert’s study. It depicted similar short circuits in other cars, none of which were detected by the vehicles’ computer system.

Gilbert did not return phone or e-mail messages for comment, and a woman who answered the phone at his home said he was unavailable.

Hanson said he wished Toyota could have been invited to see the simulation conducted by ABC. “Simulation” is a word that brings back tough memories for TV networks: NBC’s news president lost his job in 1993 after it was revealed that for a “Dateline NBC” study about alleged safety problems with General Motors trucks, the network rigged a truck with small explosives for a story. Lenzner said it was ridiculous to compare a two-second tachometer shot to the NBC case.

She said Toyota was given a chance to comment on the story the day it was aired.

“It was not like ABC was trying to alter the footage,” she said. “There was no staging. There was no dramatization. It was an editing mistake.”

Even before this report, relations between Toyota and ABC were on edge. More than 100 Toyota dealerships in the Southeast had agreed last month to pull advertising on local ABC affiliated because they were angry with Ross’ aggressive reporting on the automaker’s problems.

***

ABC is apparently no stranger to staging the news.  Recall that correspondent Cokie Roberts and her producer, Rick Kaplan (I hear he’s doing something over at the Tiffany network these days) made it appear that Roberts was reporting from Capitol Hill when in fact she was broadcasting from a studio with a projection of the Capitol behind her.

“From: [Redacted]
Date: Tue, 2 Mar 2010 23:18:52 +0000
To: AAJA New York City
Subject: [aaja-nyc] ABC News JOB POSTINGS
ABC NEWS NEWSGATHERING has multiple openings for SENIOR DIGITAL JOURNALISTS. Senior digital journalists are responsible for digital news gathering and reporting for ABC News. Positions will be based in various domestic and international locations.

Responsibilities include newsgathering (either alone or as part of a reporting team), producing, writing and presenting stories as needed or assigned. Additional responsibilities include pitching unique content, reporting stories and covering news events. Responsibilities also include acting as the point person for identifying breaking, trend and/or interesting news in their region and communicating that to the desk, programs and platforms.

Candidates must have strong production, writing, booking and related skills, especially the ability to deliver on-air and off-air content.
Candidates must be able to utilize technology and digital resources to report and obtain content. Candidates should have 5 to 7 years of production and writing experience and a proven ability to report stories under deadline.

Candidates should have excellent verbal and written communication skills and the ability to effectively communicate with diverse audiences.

Candidates must have the ability to learn new workflows and utilize digital technology for newsgathering. Candidates should also have strong project management abilities; capable of prioritizing and handling multiple projects simultaneously, under tight time constraints.

Candidates should be self-starters, highly motivated and willing to work independently.”

***

So I guess the deal at ABC News is … lose your job, reapply for your “retooled” job at a significantly reduced salary, but only if you’re Asian.

Reading between the lines:

Responsibilities include newsgathering (either alone or as part of a reporting team), producing, writing and presenting stories as needed or assigned. Additional responsibilities include pitching unique content, reporting stories and covering news events. Responsibilities also include acting as the point person for identifying breaking, trend and/or interesting news in their region and communicating that to the desk, programs and platforms.

Translation:  You’ll be doing the work of five people for the salary of one.

Candidates must have strong production, writing, booking and related skills, especially the ability to deliver on-air and off-air content.  Candidates must be able to utilize technology and digital resources to report and obtain content. Candidates should have 5 to 7 years of production and writing experience and a proven ability to report stories under deadline.

Translation:  We’re really looking for someone with about 25 years of experience, who’s worked as a writer, producer, booker, editor, and reporter, who’s willing to work for a salary appropriate for someone with only 5-7 years of experience.

Candidates should have excellent verbal and written communication skills and the ability to effectively communicate with diverse audiences.

Translation:  Please be able to speak in only grammatically AND politically correct English.

Candidates must have the ability to learn new workflows and utilize digital technology for newsgathering. Candidates should also have strong project management abilities; capable of prioritizing and handling multiple projects simultaneously, under tight time constraints.

Translation:  Forget the old newsroom hierarchy;  once the pink slips have been distributed, there will be no one left in the newsroom with any real experience who knows what they’re doing.  You’ll need to figure a lot of stuff out on your own.  And since we’ll be operating under a greatly reduced staff — again — expect to do the jobs of five people.

Candidates should be self-starters, highly motivated and willing to work independently.”

Translation:   Candidates should expect to receive no direction or supervision, yet be expected to produce precisely what we want.

The story is pretty much the same over at CBS News, which itself shed about 90 jobs last month.  CBS Evening News anchor Dan Rather made a reported $8 million before he stepped down.  His replacement, Katie Couric, makes a reported $15 million.  Is Katie really twice as valuable as Dan?  (By comparison, NBC Nightly News anchor Tom Brokaw made $8 million before retiring, and his replacement, Brian Williams, makes “only” $10 million.)

The bloated salaries for the two Queen Mothers of network nightly news broadcasts — roughly twice those of their predecessors – are particularly interesting in light of the fact that both network broadcasts have shed roughly HALF of their viewers since 1980.  And while the “talent” continues to laugh their way to the bank, it’s the people who are actually putting their shows on the air who are paying the ultimate price.

The average producer at CBS News, like ABC News, makes about $90,000/year.  Again, I understand the need to secure good talent, so I could see paying a network evening news anchor about 10 times as much as one of her producers.  Maybe even 20 times as much.  But at $15 million per year, is Katie Couric really 167 times more valuable than one of her producers?  She certainly doesn’t do 167 times as much work as a producer.  As their networks hand out pink slips to news staffers, are Couric and Sawyer really worth $57,000 per day?

According to yesterday’s New York Times:

Mr. Westin said high-priced and purely cosmetic talent would become an increasingly endangered species.  ”There have been people in television news — very successful people — who do not write,” he said.  We are going to definitely require more of our journalists.”

One would hope.  After all, any more cuts and Ms. Couric and Ms. Sawyer are likely to feel like they’re back in small-market television — writing, producing, even editing their own video before (*gasp!*) putting on their own makeup and heading out to the set, where they would run their own cameras and telepromters.

The Times continued:

Mr. Westin said he did not think the cuts would compromise ABC’s journalism, but not everyone shares his confidence. One veteran ABC News executive said, “Clearly the signal is: It’s not important to create anything new. We simply have to figure out a way to manage it cheaply.”

In other words, dear viewer … don’t expect too much.

Stay tuned.

New Agreement Supersedes Prior Contract and Extends Employment through February 2015

NEW YORK, Feb. 24 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ — CBS Corporation (NYSE: CBS and CBS.A) announced today a new employment agreement with President and Chief Executive Officer Leslie Moonves. The agreement supersedes the prior contract, which was to conclude in 2011, and extends his employment with the CBS Corporation through February 22, 2015.

“This is, above all, great news for every shareholder of CBS,” said Sumner Redstone, Executive Chairman and Founder, CBS Corporation. “Leslie is a superb executive who has led CBS to a position of unparalleled leadership in the industry. This agreement not only secures the future of the Company for many years to come, it also further aligns and strengthens the interests of the chief executive with those of our shareholders. I look forward to working with Leslie as we capitalize on all of the opportunities that lie ahead.”

“I have the privilege of working with the greatest team of people in this or any other business,” said Moonves. “I am very gratified that my relationship with the Company will continue as we build on the strong foundation we have laid for ongoing growth and success.”

Under the terms of the agreement, Moonves’ salary remains at its current level. As before, he will continue to be eligible for an annual performance-based bonus and will receive significant equity-based compensation that ties the value of the agreement to the performance of the Company’s stock. The Company has also provided incentives for Moonves to continue his relationship with the Company at the end of the employment term.

“Unparalleled leadership in the industry”??  Let’s not get too carried away there, Sumner.  Not QUITE “unparalleled”.

Moonves makes $32 million per year already.  Can you imagine what his raise could have looked like if CBS was actually in an “unparalleled” industry leadership position ?

This is the same man who just laid off 150 staffers at CBS News during the worst economic “recession” (depression) in two generations.  The same man who several years ago tried to squeeze $600,000 out of the WGA news writers company-wide by taking away their paid lunch hours.

I suppose the money has to come from somewhere to continue to pay his $615,384.62 weekly base salary.

To put that kind of unfathomable compensation into perspective (and that’s just his BASE PAY, mind you), it would take a CBS writer or producer earning $100,000 per year more than THREE CENTURIES to earn what their boss earns in just 12 months.

Just for fun, let’s put it another way.  This year, the federal government’s “FICA” tax limit will be $106,800.  With the median U.S. household income stuck at around $54,000 per year, most Americans will never reach their “FICA Freedom Day” — the day on which their employer stops taking Social Security taxes out of their paychecks for the remainder of the year.  Only about one-fifth of Americans will reach this day — although the majority of those earners won’t reach it until sometime this fall.  Les Moonves reached his FICA Freedom Day on the first business day of January, just after his afternoon tea.

(Do you think he gets direct deposit?  I would think sums that large would actually require a full-fledged interbank wire transfer.  Hell, my entire mortgage was less than half his weekly pay, and the closing transaction required four lawyers and a bank underwriter.)

In the wake of CBS’ round of layoffs, ABC News President David Westin has outlined a “strategic overhaul”, saying that the company will emerge as a more efficient and “more flexible” operation.

Here’s the memo:

From: Westin, David

Sent: Tuesday, February 23, 2010 3:40 PM

To: ABCTV News ALL

Cc: Sweeney, Anne

Subject: ABC News Transformation

Over the past several years, we’ve seen a lot of changes — changes at ABC News and in the news industry overall. I’m proud of the way we’ve responded both to unexpected transitions in our programs and to the economic realities of our business. We’ve adapted quickly and effectively and – above all – put our audiences first. Our programs are stronger today than they were ten years ago. This is a credit first and foremost to the men and women at ABC News.

But all of us are good reporters. We can see that our entire society is in the middle of a revolution — a revolution in the ways that people get their news and information. The digital age makes our business more competitive than ever before. It also presents us with opportunities we couldn’t have imagined to gather, produce, and distribute the news. We can have great success in the new world – but only if we embrace what is new, rather than being overwhelmed by it.

The time has come to anticipate change, rather than respond to it. We have a rare opportunity to get in front of what’s coming, to ensure that ABC News has a sound journalistic and financial footing for many years to come, and to serve our audiences even better. But we must move boldly and promptly. In the past, we’ve sought out less expensive ways to replicate what we’ve always done. The time has come to re-think how we do what we are doing.

To that end, we anticipate that between now and the end of the year ABC News will undergo a fundamental transformation that will ultimately affect every corner of the enterprise. We will be guided by one central principle: In everything, we will ensure that we put our audiences first – providing them with first-rate journalism covering the things that matter the most to them in ways no one else does. And, we will do it with a business model that ensures we will be here for our audiences for many years to come.

The transformation will have six basic components:

1. In newsgathering, we intend to dramatically expand our use of digital journalists. We have proven that this model works at various locations around the world. We believe we can take it much further;

2. In production, we will take the example set by Nightline of editorial staff who shoot and edit their own material and follow it throughout all of our programs, while recognizing that we will continue to rely upon  our ENG crews and editors for most of our work;

3. In structure, we will combine our weekday and weekend operations for both Good Morning America and World News;

4. In special events, we will rely upon our program staff through the day and night to cover unexpected events and marshal personnel from across the division to cover scheduled events;

5. In newsmagazines and long-form programming, we will move to a more flexible blend of staff and freelancers so that we can respond to varying demand for hours through the year; and

6. Overall, we will eliminate redundancies wherever possible.

An essential part of this intended transformation will be extensive training in the new technology – whether in the field or in-house. This is an extension of the digital bullpen training we’ve undertaken already, but it will be on a scale that we have not seen before. This training program and changes it will make possible in all of our operations will make ABC News the place to work in the digital age. We won’t just be preparing people for the new world; we will be living in it.

When we are finished, many job descriptions will be different, different skill sets may be required, and, yes, we will likely have substantially fewer people on staff at ABC News. To ease the transition, we are offering a voluntary separation package to all full-time, U.S.-based, non-union, non-contract employees. Information and details of the program will be sent to your home address in the next few days. The response to this voluntary program will determine the extent to which we will need to make further reductions. I encourage everyone to talk with their supervisor if they have any questions.

Any voluntary separation offers for union-represented employees will be in accordance with our obligations under the applicable labor agreement. Whatever changes we make overseas will be done in compliance with local laws and, where required, include management consultation in advance.

Throughout this process, I will keep you informed of where we are and where we are going with the transformation. Tomorrow, I will discuss this on the 9:30 call, and we will be holding meetings with various groups of staff in New York. Kate O’Brian and I will be in Washington next week to explain what we are planning in person and to take questions. Either Kate or David Reiter will be travelling to the bureaus in the  coming days to do the same.

I won’t pretend that all of this will be easy. But I do truly believe that it will be good for ABC News. I believe in this institution. I believe in its mission and in its future. As always, I will need your help in making sure that we are as strong as we can be for many years to come.

Thank you.

Reading between the lines, Mr. Westin’s “six basic components”:

1.  In newsgathering, we intend to dramatically expand our use of what we used to call “one-man-bands” — “digital journalists” who can write, report, produce, shoot, and edit all of their own material, replacing those costly (and “redundant”) news coverage teams that include a correspondent AND a producer AND a cameraman AND a sound technician AND a video editor.  We have proven that even though these “digital journalists” aren’t as thorough, aren’t as accurate, and don’t deliver as polished a finished product as the teams of experienced professionals they’re replacing, our research indicates that the viewers can’t really tell the difference anyway.

2.  In production, we will take the example set by Nightline of our already overworked and eviscerated editorial staff who’ve been forced not only to do their jobs, but also the jobs of our shooters, photographers, tape producers, and video editors, and follow it throughout all of our programs, while not overtly breaking the back of the union representing our ENG crews and editors for most of our work — yet.

3.  In structure, we will combine our weekday and weekend operations for both Good Morning America and World News.  Despite the fact that it would mean seven-day workweeks for many, there’s really no good fiscal reason for separate staffs for these broadcasts.

4.  In special events, we will no longer maintain a separate staff of people to cover important scheduled events — we instead will simply double the workload for those people who are busy trying to put together the regular programming.

5.  In newsmagazines and long-form programming, we will cut staff jobs and rely more on freelancers so we won’t have to pay for one hour more of professional service than we absolutely have to.

6.  Overall, we will eliminate jobs wherever possible.  Except at the Vice President level and above.  Dust off those resumes.

At least one major television station — KTLA-TV in Los Angeles — actually carried a LIVE  ”rebuttal” news conference by camera addict attorney Gloria Allred, representing one of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses — Veronica Siwik-Daniels (a.k.a. “Jocelyn James” for those of you who may be familiar with her … uh … “film” work).  Gloria explained — in often explicit detail — about how Veronica “entered into a three-year relationship” with Woods, peppering her statement with intimate quotes from his text messages to her (a cautionary warning, guys — there’s now a new high-tech spin on the old axiom, “A woman scorned  …” — best save those “sweet nothings” for her ears, and not her eyes, lest hard copies of them end up in a court of law, or in this case, the court of television, where the accused is always guilty, even after being proven innocent.).  As Veronica/Joslyn sat next to her, head downturned, wearing a bad wig and fake eyelashes, gently wiping away her tears, Gloria — gently holding her hand in a show of faux girl-power solidarity — went on to say that “Today was not an apology.  It was a staged, public relations stunt.  It was a disgrace.”

Pot, kettle.  Kettle, pot.

If a homewrecking adulteress (who works in the sex industry, no less) holding a press conference with a camera-obsessed celebrity attorney, demanding an apology from the married man she “entered into a three-year relationship” with isn’t a disgraceful staged public relations stunt, I don’t know what is.

Oh wait … yes I do.  It’s the MEDIA COVERING IT.

“My client deserves better than this.  … The rehab that he (Tiger) needs is not just sex rehab.  It is instead, lying rehab.  Betrayal rehab.  … A course on how to be honest with the woman, or this woman, in his life. … He must call her, or better yet, meet with her in person, to apologize to her and explain why he lied to her, over and over again.”

For those of you who don’t frequent the back rooms of adult bookstores, here’s the 4-1-1 on this jilted girlfriend, sitting next to Gloria, trying desperately to extend her acting range by playing the part of the Wounded Woman, dressed like any other suburban mom you might run into at the local Target or Wal-Mart:  she’s no fragile flower.  The Web site for Washington State’s Department of Social and Health Services says she is on the state’s Most Wanted List for $12,677 she owes to support her 10-year-old child.

What has she been doing that’s keeping her from caring for her child?  Well, for starters, she’s been very busy making movies.  But they’re not the kind of movies most 10-year-old kids are likely to brag about to their friends:  ”Mama Fucked a Black Man” … “Who’s Your Momma? 2″ … “Big Breasted Nurses” … “Shorty Iz Fuckin’ Yo Mamma 2″ … and “MILF Internal 7″ (for our more gentle readers who aren’t familiar with the term “MILF”, it means “Mother I’d Like to Fuck”.  Nice family values, yes?).

“It is time for Tiger Woods to take responsibility.”

Pot, Kettle.  Kettle, Pot.

Of course it only gets better, after Veronica/Joslyn takes the mic, as Gloria puts her arm around her.  ”I would be open to a telephone apology from Tiger, but I really feel that I deserve to look at him in person, face to face, in his eyes, because I didn’t deserve this.  I’ve had to deal with a lot, and too much from him, and because of him.  It never had to come to this.  … I never wanted to cause Elin, Sam, or Charlie any pain … I’m so sorry for my part in any of their pain, but I can’t help that I fell in love with him.  You can’t help who you love.”

True, honey, but you CAN help causing them even more pain and making a fool of yourself in the process by securing a camera-whore celebrity attorney and holding a press conference.

So we’ve got a celebrity golfer with manifold personal scandals that have become public, and in his effort to quell public scrutiny, he holds … a PRESS CONFERENCE.

Then we’ve got one of his many “girlfriends”, a woman who abandoned her child to make a living having sex with men on camera, who’s demanding an “apology” from him — even going so far to secure an attorney (even though no laws were broken) who wets her pants every time an “on air” light goes on — and holds her own press conference, insisting that she never wanted to cause his family any pain.

“You promised you loved me and now you won’t be my boyfriend anymore and now I demand that you say you’re sorry!”  My God, this is like junior high school, only with grown-up lawyers and television news cameras.  At least the junior high school kids have an excuse for acting juvenile.  What’s ours?

Two ho’s sitting side by side holding a press conference.

But who’s the biggest ho in this picture?

Unfortunately, that would be those of us putting it on the air.